By Bob Wynkoop

I used to love standing outside the door and watching my young children. They had no idea that I was there, and there was certainly something pure and beautiful in the innocence of their childhood play. They had not yet learned to be inhibited, they were simply doing what came natural to a child; playing, and living to the full. All I saw was goodness.

You can learn a lot about someone by their actions when nobody is watching. People will do what is natural to them, without inhibitions. If there is bad, you will see that manifest, but if there is goodness, it will be unmistakable.

As a hospice chaplain of many years, I have had the honor of working with nurses. I had always been impressed with their level of skill and commitment, but those things should be no surprise.

Let me tell you what I have learned, first hand, as an observer when they thought no one was watching. I have watched them show the greatest compassion:

• To hold a patient’s hand because they were frightened and did not understand why this was happening to them.
• I have watched them show patience as they brought another cup of water to someone who was really not thirsty, but rang the buzzer again so they wouldn’t be alone.
• I have watched them show wisdom as family members of the patient complain, as nothing the nurse does is good enough. The wisdom in recognizing that this is only their fear being directed at the easiest target, the nurse and they allow themselves to be a safe place for venting.
• I have watched them show exhaustion: Not deliberately, because that is something they don’t want others to see. Their sense of duty and passion is obvious when they take that extra shift. They take the extra workload because someone may need them, and they will not let their patients down. However, they are still human and fatigue has its own symptoms which sometimes cannot be hidden, no matter how hard they try.
• Mostly, I have watched them show love: When a patient to whom they have provided the most intimate of care finally ends their battle, the nurse sheds their own tears. Privately. They have given a piece of their heart to that patient, and by doing so, have allowed, once again, themselves to become vulnerable. This is love because they know this is a personal risk going in, and yet will offer themselves, without hesitation, every time.

Yes, you can learn a lot about someone by their actions when they think nobody is watching. I see goodness, and it is unmistakable.

Bob Wynkoop is the Chaplain at VNA & Blue Water Hospice. He visits with and counsels’ patients and families at their most difficult time. He also oversees the Blue Water Hospice Grief Help – a group offering support to those grieving a life-limiting diagnosis of a family member or those who’ve lost a loved one. This is a space to come together, grieve together, and support one another. The group is currently “meeting” online via the Blue Water Hospice Home Facebook page.